Dr. DB's Awards

A page recognizing various achievements in the public sphere,
modestly offered in the hope of stimulating participation in civic affairs
and encouraging the development of logical thought and reasonable debate.


The National 2004 Awards

For Topical Statistical Analysis
The DB Award for Topical Statistical Analysis this year goes to the Neilsen Rating's definitive mathematical demonstration that the nation is almost evenly split on the question “Is President Bush a uniter or a divider.”

The Samuel Clemens Memorial Award for Historic Contributions to Macro-Economics
The Samuel Clemens Memorial Award for Historic Contributions to Macro-Economics is given to the Federal Government of the United States of America in recognition of outstanding achievements in both etymology and policy analysis for the mathematical definition of the "core rate of inflation" (overall price inflation minus  the cost of food and energy), and its re-definition of "durable goods" (expensive items like cars and refrigerators) as items designed to last at least three years.

For Contributions to Network Infrastructure Security
The DB Award for Contributions to Network Infrastructure Security goes to the Microsoft Corporation for their trenchant analysis that “If security is set to none, everything just works.”



The Local 2004 Awards

For Civic Improvements
The DB Award for Civic Improvements goes to the good people behind the Town Square project for Garberville, in recognition of the enhancements to the quality of civic life provided by open spaces in crowded urban environments.

For Advances in Law
The DB Award for Advances in Law is awarded to the energetic political activists who sponsored the anti-GMO campaign, for clearly demonstrating the unity of community interest in aggressively regulating persons who wantonly grow illegal plants in defiance of the public interest and against the express wishes of their neighbors.

For Contributions to English Rhetoric
The DB Award for Contributions to English Rhetoric this year goes to the Rotary Club, for their dynamic extension of the phrase "local business" to include locally-owned franchises of multinational chains distributing goods manufactured overseas.

and, on a purely personal note,

The Dr. DB Award
In a year of grim and disheartening events, the Doctor's personal award goes to those several persons whose publicly explicated conspiracy theories have provided him with so many hours of delicious amusement.

Award recipients may apply in person or by mail to receive their official Dr. DB Stuffed Snipe™.  Absolute proof of identity required.